Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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