I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
