I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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