if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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