dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
