Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
