I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
