final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
