They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We smell like vodka and hangover
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
