turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
