I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
