drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
