The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
