Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize