I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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