We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
