After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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