think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
