I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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