Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
