I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We talked him into tasing himself.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
