Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
