There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
