I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
