I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
