why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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