Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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