For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
