Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
