At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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