My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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