hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
