i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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