Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
