I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
