I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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