Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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