Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
