he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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