garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
