Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
