White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
