Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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