Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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