The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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