Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
