if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
