one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
