Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
