Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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