whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
not ubering you a puppy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
