a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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