if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
