I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
