I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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