So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
