I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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