We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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