Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
