she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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