Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
