the condom got lost in my hair
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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