I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
