I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
