its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
