I feel great
I just peed on a car
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
