Too much gin, very little bucket
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
