He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
