My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
