The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
